I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just gargled with NyQuil
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize