My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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