Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
