so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
