I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize