This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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