But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
