i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
