You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
