So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
