you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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