She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
