I wish you could order shots online.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
