woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
