I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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