hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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