i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
