It's a beautiful day for a hangover
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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