Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
