Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize