i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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