i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Randomize
