I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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