Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
pray to the hookup gods
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
