The best revenge is premature balding
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
