i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
