Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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