It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
so much tequila, so little girl.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
