id be glad to
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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