I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
