did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
you didnt know i had herpes?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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