we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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