I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
