tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
