I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
