Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
