it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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