i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize