Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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