"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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