I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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