Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
