Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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