well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
