i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You left your phone here
Wait...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
