cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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