is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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