My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
