Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
