paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
