someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
