I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
