Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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