dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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