My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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