wanna go halves on a baby?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
