you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
