I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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