32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
