Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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