Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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