I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
