dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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