she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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