I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
