Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize