drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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