I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
