i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
