Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
