She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
