I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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