in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
