just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
