we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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