I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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