I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize