he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize