she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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