I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
