Non-Jews are for practice
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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