eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
