4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
