I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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