you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
