for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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