yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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