Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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