rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize