Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
