My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
