i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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