i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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