Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
