Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
