its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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