She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
