the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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