she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
