This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
