I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
