People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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