im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
