Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
