I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
