I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
