you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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